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13 things you need to clarify about - a person before marrying him -


Marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in life, but many people take this step lightly. As a result, the percentage of divorces is growing dangerously. By the way, have you ever heard of such a term as “starting marriage” or marriage for starters? In any case, do not get married until you are confident in your decision, otherwise you will pay a heavy price for your own stupidity. And when you meet, it seems to you, your woman, ask yourself these ten questions.

1. Am I ready to become a married man?

Marriage is a long-term commitment. This means that you are entering into a partnership based on love, trust and respect. If you have any vibrations, take a deep breath and ask yourself again. If you continue to hesitate, put aside the answer for later and think it over carefully. Ignore any external pressure. This is your life. And all the answers are in your heart.

2. What joint future do I see?

Take a virtual look into your shared future and imagine the life that awaits you. Where do you want to live, work, relax, travel, settle and buy a house, as well as spend the rest of your life in retirement? Do your best to “see” your future with this woman. If you like what you see, go on to the next question.

3. Do I agree to stay with only one woman for the rest of my life?

This is usually something that is not spoken out loud, but this is an important issue. If you are ready to start a fleeting romance, nightclubs and partying with friends (with the ensuing consequences), then you are already ripe for a serious relationship. If such a restriction makes you sadly sigh, think again how mentally and emotionally you are ready for marriage.

4. What are her expectations?

Imagine, questions can be not only about your beloved. If your chosen one is going to share her life with you, she deserves to understand what to prepare for. Share with her your goals, dreams and aspirations, and ask what she expects of you on this joint path.

5. Do I like her family?

You may not think it matters, but it does. In the vast majority of cases, you will have new relatives with whom you will have to communicate. Therefore, if you really cannot stand them, think twice before moving on. After all, they may not like you very much either.

6. Does she make me laugh?

The power of humor often remains underestimated. If you cannot make your future wife laugh or at least smile, you have a problem. The same goes for her. It is best to look for a partner with whom it is easy and simple to laugh and make fun of mistakes and mistakes. It unites and makes you a united small team.

7. Do I want to grow old with her?

Look into the future, so for 30-40 years ahead. She no longer wears a seductive black bikini and gained some weight. And you have less hair, impaired vision and a beer belly. Can you handle this? Think about how you will perceive changes in appearance and health in three decades. Believe me, it also matters.

8. Does she know how to fight by the rules?

You can fight, but you cannot beat below the belt, otherwise, nothing of the relationship and marriage will fail. Both of you are able to forgive offensive and caustic phrases, but they will corrode you from the inside for a long time. The fact is that marriage is a long dance when it comes to emotions. Take the lead and make it a wonderful waltz.

10. What will she get from your marriage?

Why would she marry you? Think about it. What can you offer her to be inspired to spend the rest of her life with you? She can give you love, emotional support and children. What are you going to do for her? If you only think that you will give her a salary, then getting married is too early for you. Your task is the thought of how much value you bring to her life emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. She deserved it. Actually, like you.

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Find out about his financial situation.

Do not get married without first asking about the financial situation of your chosen one. If a million-dollar debt hangs behind him and you learn about it only after you become husband and wife, then this will be an unpleasant surprise for you. Be open and honest about money and build your joint budget together.

Learn about his attitude towards children

Be sure to ask your fiance if he wants to have children and how many. If he always dreamed of ten children, and you shudder at every cry of the baby, then you have a big problem brewing. Perhaps one of you will change your mind in order to maintain a relationship, but you should not count on it.

Find out if your man has porn addiction

Pornography has an extremely destructive effect on relationships, so it’s important to discuss this issue before you formalize your relationship. Talk openly and bluntly and understand for yourself whether you can help each other cope with the problems and addictions that you may have.

Find out how your chosen one was brought up when he was a child

As a rule, people in the matter of raising their children repeat exactly the same tactics that were used in their education by their parents. If you are shuddering about the methods that your grandparents used to raise your parents, then be sure to discuss this point. Set a clear framework for what is permitted in your future family life.

Ask your man what he expects from the barque.

You cannot read the thoughts of your chosen one, so ask him what he expects from your relationship. In some ways, you will understand that you are not up to its ideal, but it’s better to clarify in advance for yourself what basic needs it has in order to assess its capabilities. Be that as it may, do not expect yourself too much, otherwise your marriage will burst at the seams.

Find out which language of love your chosen one prefers

Find out what makes your man feel loved. Is physical contact important for him, or does he attach more importance to time spent together? If you know how to properly give care to each other and will act in this direction, this will make your marriage and life as a whole happier.

Find out if ridicule and mockery have taken place in your chosen one’s life

You cannot close your eyes to bullying. The ridicule transferred earlier can have significant consequences in the human psyche. Discuss this point if you have not already done so. If you know what happened in the past with your man, then this will allow you to better understand him in the future if you encounter any difficulties.

Learn about his political views.

Considering how the political atmosphere in the world is aggravated, it is important to know what your chosen one thinks about what is happening. Most likely, you will not have any serious political problems, but if you are extreme oppositionists, this can ultimately lead to serious disagreements.

Learn about its core values.

Find out what is dear to the heart of your chosen one. If you are aware of the basic set of his values, then this will help you better understand his reaction to various events. At the same time, if your basic values ​​are radically different from each other, then you should solve this problem before you tie the knot.

Find out how close your partner is with his family.

If your future husband will spend more time in the parental home than in his own, then you should find out about this in advance and maybe discuss it. There is nothing wrong with being close to your family. It's fine! But if you know what awaits you in the future, then this will save you from possible disputes and disagreements.

Find out why he wants to connect his life with you

Do you know why your man wants to see you as his wife? If you do not know, then ask. If you don’t like the answer or seem unconvincing, then seriously discuss this question.

Make sure that you have clearly clarified for yourself all the points listed in the article so that your future marriage does not start with problems.

1. The bride and groom, referring to each other, use derogatory nicknames

In the process of discussing the celebration, wedding organizers often focus on how future spouses address each other. Mild names and nicknames are not always indicative of a long and happy marriage. However offensive and derogatory nicknamesthat partners use even with outsiders, often area signal of a short union. When insults hide behind the installation of "I love," the future marriage does not inspire optimism.

  • Studies have confirmed that cute home nicknames can positively influence the degree of satisfaction with relationships. But insults, even in a joking manner, speak of disrespect from the partner, which not only will not go anywhere after marriage, but over time can develop into contempt and aggression.

2. One of the partners makes organizational decisions secretly from another

Sometimes it happens that all the details are already discussed, but one of the future spouses is trying to make his own corrections behind the back of the other, while most often demanding that the organizer does not tell the other half. It is one thing when they ask for help in organizing a surprise (for example, when the groom wants to perform a song of his own composition for his beloved during a ceremony). Other - when one of the partners asks that the second one will obviously be unpleasant (for example, do not send invitations to some relatives of the second half). Such intrigues can contribute to the rapid breakdown of marriage.

  • Psychologists say that having your own secrets is normal. However, when such secrets infringe on the rights and interests of the partner, it is a lie, which eventually results in distrust of each other. And this really does not contribute to the development and strengthening of the union.

3. One of the partners does not participate in the discussion of the wedding at all.

Wedding planners note that men are less interested in details than women. Often they do not care what color the covers will be on the chairs or what cake the cake will be made of. Nevertheless, suitors are usually present when discussing such issues and support the beloved. And when some partners do not participate at all in the process of preparing for the event, it looks rather strange. According to the organizers, sometimes they get to know the bride or groom only at the ceremony itself. For these couples, wedding industry workers predict a short union.

  • Psychologists say that marriage is always a teamwork. If all responsibility rests on the shoulders of only one partner, the finale is obvious: he will not be able to extend overall happiness and prosperity only through his own efforts.

4. The bride and groom do not want to compromise

According to the wedding organizers, there are cases when the bride and groom swear when choosing a musical composition for a wedding dance. Even small details may be the subject of a dispute.. They are not discussed by partners, but cause a scandal with tears, resentment and beating dishes. At the celebration itself, the constant tension of both newlyweds is often felt. For example, when music is being heard about which there has been a dispute, one of the partners can defiantly roll their eyes or even refuse to go out to dance with their other half. The inability to compromise in marriage can take on ever more destructive proportions.

  • According to psychologists, compromises are a necessary component of a lasting alliance. Therefore, you should learn to take into account the needs and desires of your partner before marriage.

5. Newly made relatives publicly speak about the choice of the groom or bride in a negative way

It happens that witnesses do not mention their girlfriend or friend in a solemn speech about the new spouse, and the mother of the bride or groom openly with all guests says that her child should find someone better. But this is only half the problem. Newlyweds should not be liked by every guest or relative. An alarming sign is that one partner cannot or does not want to stand up for another and protect him from such attacks. Even worse, when he himself begins to support the instigators or to make excuses to them.

  • Experts advise to have a dialogue with possible instigators of scandals, and in advance, to immediately reduce the likelihood of such situations to a minimum.

6. Newlyweds abuse alcohol

Sometimes, it would seem, an innocent glass of wine to calm the nerves before the ceremony eventually turns into a real alcohol marathon with an uncountable number of servings of strong drinks at the wedding itself. Most often, friends or parents of the newlyweds are noticed in this. However, alcohol is often abused before the wedding or during the wedding by the newlyweds themselves or one of them. The organizers believe that you should not consider this only as a misunderstanding, which "can happen to everyone." There is occasion for reflection on the prospects for a future life together.

  • Psychologists advise not to forget about the main thing - that the person himself chooses the future spouse. Therefore, before marriage, you should learn as much as possible about each other so that you do not get upset afterwards because of “surprises” or unfulfilled hopes that he or she will change.